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Astronomy
Hilarious (sometimes) AIM Conversations
If you don't understand the rating system you have deep issues. Yes I rewrote it to be easier and resemble QDB.
To look at 2024's funnies, go here
To look at 2023's funnies, go here
To look at 2022's funnies, go here
To look at 2021's funnies, go here
To look at 2020's funnies, go here
To look at 2019's funnies, go here
To look at 2018's funnies, go here
To look at 2017's funnies, go here
To look at 2016's funnies, go here
To look at 2015's funnies, go here
To look at 2014's funnies, go here
To look at 2013's funnies, go here
To look at 2012's funnies, go here
To look at 2011's funnies, go here
To look at 2010's funnies, go here
To look at 2009's funnies, go here
To look at 2008's funnies, go here
To look at 2006's funnies, go here
To look at 2005's funnies, go here
To look at 2004's funnies, go here
To look at 2003's funnies, go here
To look at 2002's funnies, go here
To be a fag and just look at the funniest ones, go here
2007-12-20 [+] (-130) [-]
Howie: You're the only person I know who likes to buy things to put other things in
Leesh: It's ORGANIZING...I like to organize!
Howie laughs at Da Leesh
Leesh: I'll organize you... into a casket.
2007-12-19 [+] (-158) [-]
John: So, Howie, want more fries?
Howie: I didn't get any fries last time but I don't want to seem like a fatty ordering another plate if you guys are just going to eat them all.
Hooter's Waitress: He's not fat! He's just hungry!
Howie: ...
2007-12-19 [+] (-146) [-]
(Kael, age 4, eats a bunch of green cookies, then goes to the bathroom)
Kael, running out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles: I'M POOPING BLUE!@#
Alicia: I think you might be allergic to the cookies.
Kael: I think I might be allergic to your chicken.
2007-12-19 [+] (-119) [-]
(at Hooter's, someone made an analogy to McDonalds having steak)
Random Hooter's Waitress: McDonalds has steak!?!?
(she walks away)
John R: And that sums up everything that's wrong with that girl.
2007-12-03 [+] (-213) [-]
Russell [2:10 PM]: i JUST REMMEBERED WHAT i WANTED FROM YOU..
Howie [2:10 PM]: a new caps lock key ?
2007-11-30 [+] (-236) [-]
Ravi (11:04 AM): http://www.bzangygroink.co.uk/wordpress/archives/2007/11/30/australia-to-withdraw-from-iraq/
Howie (11:05 AM): the problem is that the US cant withdraw and leave the country in shambles
Ravi (11:06 AM): I guess... every country withdraw should pay reperations
Howie (11:06 AM): why? they're not black
Ravi (11:06 AM): much lower than that...
Howie (11:07 AM): mexicans?
2007-11-29 [+] (-143) [-]
Leesh: FreeRice.com's word is 'cupola'. What's it mean?
Howie: "cup-ul-ah"? Means 'a few'.
Leesh: ...
Howie: You know, a 'coupla bucks'.
2007-09-11 [+] (-80) [-]
[09:59:00] Howie: lol somebody called asking for christopher, i said "you have the wrong number" and she apologized.
[09:59:10] Howie: she calls back 2 mins later and i pick up and say "you still have the wrong number."
2007-09-11 [+] (-168) [-]
(while vacationing, The Leash and I informed a kind old lady that we would be camping in Datil, NM)
Lady: Have fun!
Howie: I think I'm going to be raped by a bear...
Lady, turning to Alicia: Bye, bear!
2007-08-27 [+] (-49) [-]
Alicia: I swear, you have the attention span of a goldfish.
Howie: I do not have the attention span of a gold ooh look, that guy's got a boat! I need a boat. Then again I live in the desert so I guess I don't really need a boat. What were we talking about?
2007-08-14 [+] (-167) [-]
(in Vegas, the leash and i got The Hunger for a milkshake)
(we drove around for hours, possibly DAYS, looking for places that had them)
Howie, upon pulling up to a Wendy's: I just wanted to say THANK YOU, because we've been driving around for hours looking for places that are open and have milkshakes, and...
Burger Drone: Our shake machine is down.
Howie: ... I... well... um...
(we had to wait in line while others stuffed their faces full of deepfried fatty foods)
(pulling up to the window, I made the most pitiful frowny face EVAR)
...
(pulling up to a Carl's Jr about 15 minutes later)
Howie: Hi, um... is your shake machine ok?
Indian Burger Drone: Yes!
Howie: I... I love you.
Indian Burger Drone: um, not a problem?
2007-08-07 [+] (-229) [-]
Emperor Howie says: christ, politicians on myspace
Alicia says: lol
Alicia says: the funniest thing is you have to sort thru to find the REAl ron paul
Alicia says: which = even more confusion
Emperor Howie says: i know what you mean, i spent hours looking for the real slim shady
2007-08-03 [+] (-123) [-]
Jim K: the tip of a penis is in this one
http://hmsphx.com/digicam/2005-06-22/dscn3724.jpg.html
Howie: yeah thats mine
Jim K: nice technique
Jim K: forground minuature
Howie: touche
...
The Leash says: dont be tellin other guys to touche you
2007-08-02 [+] (-129) [-]
Alicia: I was reading the new IM funnies and realized that we should not be adding positive rating points to the one involving my mother...she does not as of yet have access to your webpage, but it does seem to be a small world and I think it is in everyones best interest if we try to avoid pissing off anymore postal workers...so I negated the points in the hopes of saving us all :)
2007-08-01 [+] (-119) [-]
Howie: 1.x is old
Jim K.: last update was May 30th for fuck's sake
Jim K.: yeah but who is using 2.x?
Jim K.: we certainly do not appear to be
Jim K.: so 1.x is NEW
Howie: http://struts.apache.org/1.2.7/userGuide/struts-html.html
Jim K.: http://struts.apache.org/1.2.9/userGuide/struts-html.html
Howie: http://struts.apache.org/1.2.7.5million/userGuide/struts-html.html
Jim K.: I actually clicked on that...
Howie: lol
Howie: do you blindly click all the links?
Howie: http://www.tubgirl.com
2007-08-01 [+] (-166) [-]
Howie: ps download done in 2h16m
...
Matt: done yet?
Howie: nope, done in 1h24m
Matt: so we are talking computer minutes
2007-07-26 [+] (-129) [-]
(going over my performance review, Alicia's talking to her mom)
Howie: Tell her to just call me 'constently exceeds'!
Alicia's mom laughs on the phone and I hear her
Howie: Tell her to be quiet or I'll mail a lot of letters!
(her mom works for the post office)
(this was really funny but you'd have to know Alicia and her mom I guess)
(still funny)
(really)
2007-07-18 [+] (-49) [-]
Howie: ive forgiven her
Evan: y?
Howie: its like being mad at a retarded kid that shit his pants; she doesnt
know any better.
Evan: lol
Howie: and its not like shes calling me so it's all good now
Evan: you're so written out of her will
2007-07-16 [+] (-24) [-]
Howie: roflol
Jim K: When you type ROFLOL do you actually imagine rolling around giggling? On the floor?
Jim K: Because I think of that muppet Rolf.
Jim K: The brown piano playing dog with floppy ears.
Howie: but thats rolls on laughing floor
Howie: very indian
Howie: (scalping kind, not the take-your-job kind)
2007-07-06 [+] (-154) [-]
Nicole Schaeffer says: Hey I ran into Ace earlier...
Emperor Howie says: did you hurt him ?
Nicole Schaeffer says: he said he was taking some stuff to good will for you
Nicole Schaeffer says: dork
Nicole Schaeffer says: what are you getting rid of?
Emperor Howie says: otherwise nice kitchen table with tile (but the tile is broken); a breadmaker; things from krazee and her kids that krazee couldnt be bothered to come pick up
Nicole Schaeffer says: I see
Nicole Schaeffer says: I was thinking of my friend that just moved back from Asia
Emperor Howie says: i cant sell people at goodwill
2007-06-30 [+] (-157) [-]
(after having installed an additional 2gb in the MacPro)
Howie: And look, look, what's that say?
Alicia: 3 gigabytes! Baby, you got so much gigabyte!
2007-06-29 [+] (-204) [-]
(getting on the elevator)
Howie: eh, smells like black people in here.
2007-06-29 [+] (-211) [-]
(on the way to some chinese place for lunch)
Nicole: I have no idea where we are.
Alex: Let's just grab the next vietnamese guy we see and make him cook for us! "Hey you, cook for us!"
Howie: Yeah, but he'd be all "How did you know my name?!?!"
2007-06-28 [+] (-173) [-]
(we're playing musical desks at the office)
Nicole: Howie, what ever am I going to do without you behind me for entertainment?
Howie: Work?
2007-06-28 [+] (-52) [-]
(In the bathroom at the office)
Random guy in stall: What the hell? I DON'T EVEN *LIKE* CORN!
2007-06-27 [+] (-165) [-]
(during an Instant Messenger daily standup meeting)
...
Russell [11:16 AM]: pankaj, we should get together and discuss exactly what we want to do with reschedule. I will set something up for tomorrow or friday.
Russell [11:16 AM]: anyone else have anything?
Howie [11:16 AM]: im wearing new socks.
2007-06-25 [+] (-191) [-]
Nicole Schaeffer says: you know what you can do in the pool, right?
Emperor Howie says: swim ?
Emperor Howie says: pee ?
2007-06-21 [+] (-179) [-]
Nicole Schaeffer says: something smells pretty good
Nicole Schaeffer says: but I can't tell if it's just Ramen noodles or something actually good
Most Amazingest Person EVAR! says: i farted
Nicole Schaeffer says: no, no... that's really not it
Nicole Schaeffer says: lol
Most Amazingest Person EVAR! says: are you sure
Nicole Schaeffer says: pretty, pretty, pretty sure
Most Amazingest Person EVAR! says: i did have good chinese last night
2007-05-10 [+] (-233) [-]
(coming back from Udupi, full of vegetarian South Indian awesomeness)
Ravi: Full of spices and the right amount of sugar. I'm ready to be cooked.
2007-04-27 [+] (-239) [-]
Nicole: So what are you doing for your last 3 hours?
Cali: Well, I deleted 30,000 emails.
Howie: Who are you, Karl Rove?
2007-04-24 [+] (-51) [-]
Nicole Schaeffer says: do you generally feel like crap after blood work?
Most Amazingest Person EVAR! says: i dont get blood work
Most Amazingest Person EVAR! says: i dont trust the government
2007-04-10 [+] (-200) [-]
Nicole Schaeffer says: what are you being promoted to?
Nicole Schaeffer says: head asshole?
Lord of All Hummus says: you're being fired ?
2007-04-05 [+] (-118) [-]
Anya says: I'm learning
Anya says: about computers
Lord of All Hummus says: computarz
Anya says: computars
Lord of All Hummus says: lol
Anya says: lol
Lord of All Hummus says: omg stop
Anya says: no you stop
2007-03-29 [+] (-183) [-]
Joe: I'm black from the waist down.
Howie: How do you steal TVs with your feet?!?
John: Dude, that's so racist.
Howie: Racism is a crime and crime is for black people. Thusly, I am not a racist.
2007-03-23 [+] (-119) [-]
[13:49:11] Shawn the Ghei: hmm
[13:49:17] Shawn the Ghei: ya basically once a week he asks me what i'm doin
[13:49:27] Shawn the Ghei: thats about all he has time for, he's so busy on his own projects
[13:49:28] Howie: and you say "jerkin it to porn" ?
[13:49:36] Shawn the Ghei: gay scat pron
[13:49:38] Shawn the Ghei: i still have that pic of u
[13:49:39] Shawn the Ghei: lol
[13:49:49] Shawn the Ghei: [16:46] Shawn the Ghei: gay scat pron
[16:46] Shawn the Ghei: i still have that pic of u
[13:49:50] Howie: wtf
[13:49:52] Shawn the Ghei: lets take that one out of context
[13:49:55] Howie: no
[13:49:56] Howie: lets not
[13:49:57] Shawn the Ghei: lol
[13:49:58] Shawn the Ghei: rofl
2007-02-12 [+] (-145) [-]
Anya says: and by "funny" you mean "things that make Howie look smarter than his friends"?
Anya says: cuz that is funny
2007-02-12 [+] (-91) [-]
Lord of All Hummus says: my sarcasm sense is tingling though
Anya says: see "Seriously"
Anya says: he misses me
Anya says: whose sarcasm?
Anya says: who's?
Lord of All Hummus says: his
Anya says: oh
Anya says: is it whose or who's?
Lord of All Hummus says: whose i think
Lord of All Hummus says: coz it belongs to them
Anya says: I think you're wrong
...
Anya says: no you're right
Anya says: is who's only for "who is"?
Lord of All Hummus says: HA
Lord of All Hummus says: HA HA HA
Lord of All Hummus says: IN YOUR FACE
Anya says: knew you'd be mature about this
2007-01-31 [+] (-227) [-]
Jim K. says: I thought twice about it. I thought "Where the fuck is Howie?" and then I though "Where the fuck is Howie?"
Howie says: we have such side-splitting conversations.
2007-01-17 [+] (-162) [-]
Howie: oh yeah? well i'm getting an RSA dongle rsn that will let me connect to the VPN from the comfort of home.
Jen: You can't talk to me about your dongle at work!!!!!!!
2007-01-10 [+] (-181) [-]
(It's funnier if you view this URL)
Ravi says: we need to go to that fighting place
Ravi says: I don't recollect the name..
Howie says: grand master chan's or something
Ravi says: yeah
Howie says: when the meal comes we can say 'FINISH IT!@#!@#'
Howie says: or something equally geeky
(OK so it was Supreme Master Ching Hai Vegetarian House, which i quickly dubbed The Fighting Place because the guy sounds like a character out of Mortal Kombat or Street Fighter)
2007-01-10 [+] (-191) [-]
Jim K. says: we have one of those "cancer" houses in our neigborhood. The small floor-plan, bought by a low-life, now a rental kind of house.
Howie says: crackhouse ?
Jim K. says: No, just a never-ending rotation of younger people who really don't have it together. You know, young people. Who appear to not work during the day.
Howie says: crackheads ?
Jim K. says: GHow would I know?
Howie says: do they smoke crack ?
Howie says: that makes them crackheads.
Howie says: do they want to sell things to you for $10 or $20 ?
Howie says: like, say, their children or tvs ?
Howie says: are they black?