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Astronomy
Hilarious (sometimes) AIM Conversations
If you don't understand the rating system you have deep issues. Yes I rewrote it to be easier and resemble QDB.
To look at 2024's funnies, go here
To look at 2023's funnies, go here
To look at 2022's funnies, go here
To look at 2021's funnies, go here
To look at 2020's funnies, go here
To look at 2019's funnies, go here
To look at 2018's funnies, go here
To look at 2017's funnies, go here
To look at 2016's funnies, go here
To look at 2015's funnies, go here
To look at 2014's funnies, go here
To look at 2013's funnies, go here
To look at 2012's funnies, go here
To look at 2011's funnies, go here
To look at 2010's funnies, go here
To look at 2009's funnies, go here
To look at 2008's funnies, go here
To look at 2007's funnies, go here
To look at 2006's funnies, go here
To look at 2005's funnies, go here
To look at 2003's funnies, go here
To look at 2002's funnies, go here
To be a fag and just look at the funniest ones, go here
2004-12-20 [+] (-1) [-]
(03:16:07) Joey 3-Shirts: come on Howie I need a date some how!
(03:16:30) Howie: rohypnol.
(03:17:49) Howie: go out to any bar, find some chickie, and start buying her drinks.
(03:18:05) Howie: after about the 2nd or third one, say "how about i stick it in your pooper?"
(03:18:10) Joey 3-Shirts: haha
(03:18:12) Howie: either she'll say ok or slap you
(03:18:31) Howie: if she slaps you, scream out "DON'T FUCKING TALK TO ME IF YOU HAVE A COCK!" and walk away
(03:18:48) Joey 3-Shirts: hahahaha
(03:18:49) Joey 3-Shirts: nice
(03:19:04) Howie: the law of averages says that you'll succeed.
2004-11-30 [+] (-94) [-]
(01:32:12) hmspgh: whats going on down there with you two lovebirds ?
(01:41:05) David Kir: averting disaster
(01:41:13) hmspgh: what sort of disaster ?
(01:41:33) David Kir: anal tightness leading to shortness of breath
(01:41:48) hmspgh: i think i just got wood.
2004-11-22 [+] (-147) [-]
(09:43:19) hmspgh: i was at the grocery store yesterday and bought butter
(09:43:23) hmspgh: and it came up as LOL BUTTER
(09:43:25) hmspgh: and i laughed for 5 minutes
(09:43:27) Shawn Wall: lol
(09:43:33) Shawn Wall: land o lakes i'm assuming
(09:43:36) hmspgh: yes
(09:43:38) Shawn Wall: that
(09:43:39) Shawn Wall: is great.
(09:43:42) hmspgh: the guy was like "are you ok?"
(09:43:46) hmspgh: and all i could say was
(09:43:48) hmspgh: "lol butter"
(09:43:54) Shawn Wall: wow
2004-11-15 [+] (-282) [-]
Mike: That's fucking gay.
Howie: .... Are you... are you sure you can say that in a derogatory manner?
Mike: I think. I know I can say 'fag' and not be bleeped on TV.
2004-11-04 [+] (-211) [-]
(04:59:23) hmspgh: HAY I CAN TURBOCHARGE MY SEX DRIVE
(04:59:29) Nick Villa: cool
(04:59:33) Nick Villa: me too
(04:59:38) hmspgh: I THINK THAT'S RIGHT NEAR MY HARD DRIVE
(04:59:40) hmspgh: NEXT TO MY CD DRIVE
(04:59:44) hmspgh: ABOVE MY FLOPPY DRIVE
(04:59:50) Nick Villa: is that scsi or ata
(05:00:00) hmspgh: are you calling my sex drive skuzzy ?
2004-10-05 [+] (-175) [-]
(got a URL of Heather Graham naked)
(03:30:34) Nick V. aka Pinkboy: can't figure why she would not pose in playboy
(03:30:41) Nick V. aka Pinkboy: considering she is naked everywhere else
(03:32:11) hmspgh: stigmas
(03:33:18) Nick V. aka Pinkboy: what does her being naked have to do with suffering the same pains as Jesus ?
2004-10-04 [+] (-251) [-]
(01:56:27) Mom: why do we only see the whales tails
(01:56:51) hmspgh: because you have to pay extra to see the whole whale
(01:56:55) hmspgh: and we didnt have that much cash
(01:57:06) hmspgh: besides, acadia was closing for renovations shortly (they're repainting)
(01:57:34) Mom: good thing you went when you did
2004-09-30 [+] (-127) [-]
Jeff: Have you thought about New Years resolutions? It's right around the corner, you know.
Howie: I thought it was cancelled this year because of possible Al Qaeda attacks?
Jeff: Mine is to find Jesus.
Howie: ... ...
Jeff: Well, he's apparently been lost for a long time, and I'm sick of people coming to my door asking me if I've found him like it's some kind of Easter egg hunt.
2004-09-15 [+] (-138) [-]
(02:14:26) Shawn Wall: not just fire ants
(02:14:29) Shawn Wall: floating balls of fire ants
(02:14:40) Shawn Wall: "Severe flooding in area bayous also forces out wildlife, including poisonous snakes and stinging fire ants, which sometimes gather in floating balls carried by the current. "
(02:15:43) Shawn Wall: dood thats gonna be wild
(02:15:51) Shawn Wall: new orleans is gonna get fuxxed hardcore
(02:15:56) hmspgh: floating balls of snakes and fire ants
(02:16:08) Shawn Wall: they dont have those in PA
(02:16:13) hmspgh: or Maine
(02:16:21) hmspgh: wow
(02:16:31) hmspgh: i mean, can it honestly get any worse than a floating ball of snakes and fire ants ?
(02:16:43) hmspgh: while being doused in industrial chemicals and sewage ?
(02:16:50) hmspgh: why not just say 'the worst thing imaginable' ?
(02:17:04) Shawn Wall: you could have leeches on your balls
2004-09-15 [+] (-284) [-]
(02:05:49) Shawn Wall: "State law requires people convicted of peeping, voyeurism or aggravated voyeurism to register with the S.C. Law Enforcement Division's sex offender registry every year for the rest of their lives."
(02:05:53) Shawn Wall: only in the u.s.
(02:05:57) Shawn Wall: if you look at a naked women
(02:06:00) Shawn Wall: you're evil, for life
(02:06:08) Shawn Wall: LIEK OMG
(02:06:10) Shawn Wall: BOOBIES
(02:06:16) hmspgh: aggravated voyeurism ?
(02:06:23) hmspgh: I'M REALLY FUCKING LOOKING AT YOU, BITCH
2004-09-02 [+] (-72) [-]
(09:35:32) Gabe: so I got a real problem
(09:35:58) hmspgh: lol u got teh aids
(09:36:09) Gabe: yeah
(09:36:12) Gabe: it's not funny
(09:36:17) Gabe: joking
(09:36:24) hmspgh: its always funny when it doesnt happen to you
2004-07-30 [+] (-155) [-]
(11:39:37) Shawn Wall: so far, this chick seems to have a) a brain and b) common sense
(11:39:38) Shawn Wall: its kinda wild
(11:39:42) hmspgh: so its a man
2004-07-16 [+] (-217) [-]
Tyler (who is 6): Can you make me a burger on your Mike Tyson grill?
2004-07-07 [+] (-142) [-]
Gabe: This family friend of ours, their 15 year old died from autoeroticasphyxiation.
Gabe: He hung himself in the closet with a belt beating off.
Howie: Ouch. Did he at least cum?
Gabe: wtf?
Howie: Well, if he died that's one thing, but if he died and had blueballs, that's something else.
Howie: I mean, if I was to do that, the least I'd want to happen is to cum. Else I wouldn't have accomplished
anything.
2004-07-07 [+] (0) [-]
Gabe (returning from the bathroom): I just realized I wasn't wearing any underwear.
2004-07-06 [+] (-39) [-]
(talking about pick-up lines)
Mike: You can use this one, it always works for me.
Howie: Oh?
Mike: Just walk up to them and say 'I want to suck your cock'.
Howie: I think that would attract the wrong kind of woman.
2004-06-29 [+] (-205) [-]
Carl: Nick is such a good mimic!
Howie: Yeah, he acts like a straight man!
2004-06-29 [+] (-95) [-]
(02:20:43) hmspgh: http://www.familycircle.com/marketing/04_cookie_cookoff/
(02:20:54) Shawn Wall: hahaah
(02:21:08) hmspgh: i tell you what
(02:21:16) hmspgh: oatmeal chocolate chunk > pumpkin spice
(02:21:22) Shawn Wall: sadly
(02:21:23) Shawn Wall: it is
(02:21:36) hmspgh: of course, bush would probably choke to death on oatmeal chocolate chunks
(02:21:43) Shawn Wall: omg
(02:21:44) Shawn Wall: liek
(02:21:50) Shawn Wall: teech me how to eat teh cookie!@
(02:21:59) hmspgh: s/eat\ teh\ cookie/chew/
(02:22:19) Shawn Wall: hey man
(02:22:20) Shawn Wall: he's busy
(02:22:27) Shawn Wall: killin innocent people, no time to worry about chewing
(02:22:37) hmspgh: killing babies and playing golf
(02:22:38) Shawn Wall: there's $ to be made
(02:22:43) Shawn Wall: screw the chew
(02:22:52) hmspgh: new slogan: SCREW THE CHEW
(02:22:55) hmspgh: VOTE BUSH: SCREW THE CHEW!
(02:22:59) Shawn Wall: LO)L!@#
2004-06-22 [+] (-62) [-]
(We spot a gothy guy walking up street with trenchcoat)
Gabe: Those trenchcoats went out of style with the Columbine Massacre.
Howie: You mean the columbine shooting?
Gabe: It was a massacre.
Howie: I think it was just a shooting. 50+ people didn't die, and I think
that's the cut-off point for being qualified as a massacre.
(Shawn Wall comes out of the office)
Gabe: Hey Shawn, was Columbine a massacre or a shooting?
Shawn Wall: it's only a massacre if the people didn't deserve it.
2004-06-22 [+] (-23) [-]
Jeff: What'd you do this weekend?
Howie: I made a roast!
Jeff: Who the fuck are you, Mrs. Fucking Cleaver? Are the neighbors coming over to play Scrabble later?
Howie: Dude, it was fucking good!
Jeff: I always knew you were gay.
2004-05-18 [+] (-50) [-]
Erik: like babies
Erik: u wanna give them an ice cream cone
Erik: and they don't want want it
Erik: but if they can't have an ice cream cone
Erik: whhhhhhaaaaaa
Erik: cryin for it
Shawn Wall: yep, replace 'ice cream cone' with 'cock', and u have women
2004-05-18 [+] (-210) [-]
(10:34:33) Shawn Wall: man this new alanis cd is good
(10:34:37) Shawn Wall: *waiting to get made fun of*
(10:34:45) hmspgh: um
(10:34:48) hmspgh: omg
(10:34:50) hmspgh: insult overflow
(10:34:52) hmspgh: core dumped
2004-05-14 [+] (-188) [-]
Howie: So lets see what's in this chocolate chip cookie...
(Looks at ingredients)
Nick: What do you care, you're not on a diet.
Howie: Yeah, but I don't want to get any fatter.
Howie: ...he says as he opens a chocolate chip cookie.
2004-05-13 [+] (-137) [-]
(01:42:10) Shawn Wall: u're listening to christ
(01:42:12) Shawn Wall: thats good
(01:42:17) hmspgh: PRAISE THE JEEB
(01:42:20) Shawn Wall: is he telling u to eat raviolis
(01:42:38) Shawn Wall: i think the catholic church should forget about that wafer thin bread cracker thing
(01:42:43) Shawn Wall: and give out raviolis in communion
(01:42:46) hmspgh: no; they're all his. it's one of the commandments. thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's raviolis, for they belongeth to the lord
(01:42:53) Shawn Wall: church attendance would skyrocket
(01:43:03) hmspgh: "this is the ravioli of christ"
(01:43:06) Shawn Wall: LOL
(01:43:26) Shawn Wall: "it contains his blood and body, in one tasty package"
(01:43:33) hmspgh: "sauce optional"
(01:43:36) Shawn Wall: lol
(01:44:02) Shawn Wall: mel gibson could market them
(01:44:23) hmspgh: TEH PASSION OF TEH RAVIOLIS
(01:44:29) Shawn Wall: hahaha
2004-04-17 [+] (-101) [-]
(08:55:53) Jeff Y: I'm not a racist!
(08:56:02) Jeff Y: Racism is a crime, and crime is for black people, therefore I am not a racist.
2004-04-14 [+] (-150) [-]
Nick: Gabe -- are you going to the John Bon Jovi concert this Friday on the Pitt campus?
Shawn: Yeah, he's coming with Kerry -- can you believe that?
Howie: John Bon Jovi? Didn't he die of AIDS or something?
Nick: What?! Why would he be dead from AIDS?
Howie: Coz everybody's got AIDS these days.
Nick: Only because everyone's been fucking your mom.
2004-04-14 [+] (-148) [-]
(Gabe lost his wallet somehow)
(09:27:57) hmspgh: phi for teh lunchie
(09:28:06) Gabe: they don't take card
(09:28:18) hmspgh: looks like you better start sucking dick in the bathroom then
(09:28:29) Gabe: I already started
(09:28:35) hmspgh: just like your mom
(09:28:37) Gabe: You gotta go
(09:28:39) Gabe: ?
(09:29:18) hmspgh: i feel uncomfortable in this conversation.
(09:30:04) Gabe: Well, it's your first time...I think...Everyone gets a little nervous their first time
(09:30:23) hmspgh: seriously, quit it
(09:30:25) hmspgh: you're turning me on
2004-04-07 [+] (-29) [-]
Gabe: I once fucked a girl with OCD.
Howie: Did you have to fuck her 3 times?
2004-04-07 [+] (-203) [-]
Gabe: I had to come in early.
Howie: That's stupid.
Gabe: For who?
Howie: For you.
Gabe: You know, you say a lot of things I don't like.
2004-04-06 [+] (-101) [-]
(10:02:44) Shawn Wall: [FEMALE CO WORKER] is sure as hell wearin a g string today
(10:03:33) hmspgh: ive got news for you
(10:03:34) hmspgh: so am i
(10:03:40) Shawn Wall: never
(10:03:41) Shawn Wall: speak
(10:03:41) Shawn Wall: to
(10:03:42) Shawn Wall: me
(10:03:42) Shawn Wall: again
2004-03-26 [+] (-196) [-]
(talking about creating a dating site)
(09:12:09) Shawn Wall: see
(09:12:11) Shawn Wall: weight requirements
(09:12:12) Shawn Wall: i'm tellin u
(09:12:34) Shawn Wall: also
(09:12:37) Shawn Wall: min. # of teeth
(09:12:44) Shawn Wall: has all limbs (boolean)
(09:12:44) Shawn Wall: etc
(09:12:58) hmspgh: i dunno, i think i could go with a chickie that lacks arms and legs
(09:13:05) Shawn Wall: arms would be good
(09:13:08) hmspgh: its not like she could use her hands to get me off
(09:13:15) Shawn Wall: wow.
(09:13:25) Shawn Wall: u really thought that out
(09:13:32) hmspgh: sick, arent i ?
(09:13:34) Shawn Wall: no
(09:13:35) Shawn Wall: i am
(09:13:49) hmspgh: yeah, oops, forgot who i was talking to
(09:13:51) Shawn Wall: a chick with no legs couldnt pass the curb rule tho
(09:13:52) hmspgh: shawn bundy
(09:14:00) hmspgh: well, she could if they were stumps
(09:14:03) Shawn Wall: LOL
2004-03-24 [+] (-103) [-]
(11:29:20) Shawn Wall: I AM TEH ATTEMPTING TO GET THIS PAGE GRAPHIC SHIT INTO OUR RBFFPAGE INSTEAD OF WRITING ANOTHER TEH VB CLASS FOR THE TOC MANAGER
(11:29:23) Shawn Wall: !@#
(11:29:37) hmspgh: craziness
(11:29:40) hmspgh: embrace the vb
(11:29:43) hmspgh: EMBRACE IT
(11:29:45) hmspgh: YOU WILL ENJOY IT
(11:29:48) Shawn Wall: die.
(11:29:50) hmspgh: YOU WILL SAY IF AND END IF
(11:30:06) hmspgh: AND NOT USE SEMICOLONS
(11:30:20) Shawn Wall: IF MY_SELF_WORTH IS NOTHING THEN
(11:30:23) Shawn Wall: I WOULD
(11:30:23) Shawn Wall: END IF
2004-02-24 [+] (-128) [-]
Nick: The best place is Club Erotica.
Shawn: Yeah, but this is right there (pointing). You can go, get a beer, see some titties, then go home. Why wouldn't you go?
2004-02-24 [+] (-116) [-]
Howie: When she was on Las Vegas, Paris Hilton wasn't all that hot. She looks like she needs a steak.
Shawn: There you go again, liking the fatties.
Howie: No, I just like them with a little meat on them, not looking like they came out of Auschwitz.
Nick: Yeah, you like them with meat between their legs.
2004-02-17 [+] (-292) [-]
(01:50:24) hmspgh: youve had it since she moved to The Hut.
(01:50:29) Shawn Wall: nope
(01:50:32) hmspgh: omg
(01:50:34) hmspgh: fucking tard
(01:50:37) Shawn Wall: dood
(01:50:37) Shawn Wall: i
(01:50:38) hmspgh: all those times she came over ?
(01:50:38) Shawn Wall: fucking
(01:50:39) Shawn Wall: try
(01:50:43) hmspgh: DO OR DO NOT
(01:50:45) hmspgh: THERE IS NO TRY
Howie: This isn't fucking Java!
Shawn: I will dispose of you! See, that's a C# thing.
Howie: We're such fucking geeks.
2004-02-09 [+] (-112) [-]
(12:09:07) Shawn Wall: did carl just ask me
(12:09:09) Shawn Wall: if i was in the mood
(12:09:14) hmspgh: i think he did
(12:09:19) hmspgh: GO GET THAT RAISE
(12:09:22) Shawn Wall: LOL
(12:09:28) Shawn Wall: so
(12:09:28) Shawn Wall: so
(12:09:29) Shawn Wall: wrong
(12:09:32) hmspgh: GOBBLIN'
2004-02-02 [+] (-154) [-]
(01:21:59) Shawn Wall: u see the ford gt
(01:22:02) Shawn Wall: http://www.fordvehicles.com/fordgt/home.asp?bhcp=1
(01:22:23) hmspgh: the gt40 ?
(01:22:30) hmspgh: yep
(01:22:31) Shawn Wall: the new ford gt
(01:22:42) hmspgh: yeah, the remake of the one that whupped the ferraris in le mans in the 60s
(01:22:47) Shawn Wall: ya
(01:22:58) Shawn Wall: how much $ is it
(01:23:01) hmspgh: i think 150k
(01:23:07) Shawn Wall: wowsa
(01:23:12) hmspgh: in the middle of the 911 turbo and the ferrari 360 modena
(01:23:44) hmspgh: tsk tsk, height is 44.3. original was 40", hence the name 'gt40'.
(01:23:53) Shawn Wall: well this is the gt44.3
2004-01-05 [+] (-36) [-]
(04:27:10) hmspgh: buffalo != warm
(04:27:13) Shawn Wall: damn cold
(04:27:19) Shawn Wall: makes pgh look like a beach
(04:27:22) hmspgh: that it does
(04:27:30) Shawn Wall: a beach made out of HUMAN FECES
(04:27:37) Shawn Wall: random
(04:27:38) Shawn Wall: i know
(04:27:41) hmspgh: what is it with you and feces today ?
(04:27:46) Shawn Wall: what can i say
(04:27:49) Shawn Wall: i love the scat
(04:27:52) Shawn Wall: lol
2004-01-05 [+] (-123) [-]
(11:22:24) hmspgh: i need to buy some shrimp
(11:22:26) hmspgh: make some shrimp salad
(11:22:31) Shawn Wall: umm
(11:22:31) Shawn Wall: ok
(11:22:32) hmspgh: dont ask
(11:22:46) hmspgh: its just one of those random things that my brain is saying "hey, that'd be pretty good right now"
(11:22:53) Shawn Wall: and u're telling me because?
(11:22:57) Shawn Wall: lol
(11:22:58) hmspgh: im not quite sure
(11:23:03) hmspgh: i had to tell somebody
(11:23:08) Shawn Wall: fp
(11:23:11) Shawn Wall: u fucking monkey
(11:23:11) hmspgh: i've been keeping it all pent up inside
(11:23:17) hmspgh: it just broke to the surface
(11:23:24) hmspgh: thusly, you're now blessed with the knowledge
(11:23:26) hmspgh: use it wisely
(11:23:39) Shawn Wall: i'm gonna call u one night and say
(11:23:43) Shawn Wall: i wanna buy some peanut butter
(11:23:47) Shawn Wall: and make a sandwich
(11:23:48) Shawn Wall: then hang up
2004-01-04 [+] (-100) [-]
hmspgh (11:38:18PM): ok, so you're just not human
Shawn Wall (11:38:22PM): i'm an elf
hmspgh (11:38:48PM): hairy elf
hmspgh (11:38:50PM): more like a dwarf
Shawn Wall (11:38:53PM): hahaha
Shawn Wall (11:38:56PM): your momma's a dwarf
Shawn Wall (11:38:59PM): with her beard
hmspgh (11:39:07PM): no, you just always have her upside down
Shawn Wall (11:39:10PM): LOL